Power Rangers Are Fucking Cool, and This Title Is Completely Irrelevant
Alright kids, Jack’s got some tips for you. Now, I know this shouldn’t be coming from me, the guy who asked that black dude if he committed any crimes lately (it seemed like a good idea at the time when I was dressed like Spider-Man,) but please stop saying stupid things. I’ve been listening to you people lately, and frankly, I’m worried. Some of the shit coming out of your mouths makes me so sad I need to smoke pot to feel better. And by smoking pot, I am supporting terrorism, so really its your stupid comments that are helping Osama bin Laden and his cavemen. Anyway, here’s a crash course…

Smart thing to say: Yes, I am against the war. We should fire the first shot in any war, when it could cost the lives of our dear soldiers. It will achieve little, and I feel as if the government as other motives, such as the protection of oil interests.

Dumb thing to say: I hate Republicans. Republicans are stupid. I am going to leave my job to protest against Bush because he is stupid. Why? Because he is Republican. Go abortion!

Smart thing to say: Music is important to me. I appreciate the Clash because they have passion in what they’re trying to say, their anti-establishment lyrics are very true and thought-provoking, and their music really rocks.

Dumb thing to say: Yo, the Clash fucking rock. I am punk rock. Liking the Clash makes me cool, and you not cool. Go abortion!

Smart thing to say: Abortion is a tricky issue. On the one hand, it is the taking of life, but on the other it could prevent trauma for rape and incest victims, as well as poor unwed mothers. We should not be so hard on the other side, and try to work this out so it’s best for everyone.

Dumb thing to say: I hate abortion. Abortion is murder, so I am going to blow you up and kill everyone who supports it. Go abortion!

Smart thing to say: Did you see the cover of the Times today?

Dumb thing to say: Man, I hope someone aborts that British guy on American Idol. But Paula Abdul is still hot. When is Fox coming out with that new reality show, Joe Abortion!

I hope we all learned something today. If not, watch an episode of the Cosby show on Nick at Nite. That fucker’s always got something funny, but meaningful to say.

P.S. I promise next time I’ll actually write something. The thing is, it was cool to write for Paul at first, speaking about issues and shit. But then shit gets in my way. Classes, work, Godzilla attacks, abortion, 40 watt bulbs, etc. You know, college shit.



if you wanto to contact this guy e-mail him: dontknowjakk@hotmail.com