He's got more dope shit then that guy Jamal who stands on the corner of Harlem all day.
Well Mike Tyson knocked a dude out with one punch….real shocker there. This while Tyson saga is starting to turn into that flick “The Great White Hype.” For those of you who don’t remember, that is the one where Damon Wayans is boxer who gets out of shape and has to fight some white guy. Everyone thinks the white guy is going to win, but Wayans knocks him out one punch, despite all the lack of work. I mean Mike Tyson could knock out 99 percent of the world out with one punch (the one percent is Roy Jones Jr., Lennox Lewis, and some guy Tron I met last week). The one thing the media has done a few times which is always amusing is compare him to Michael Jackson. The only common element between the two is their fascination with kids: one likes to eat them where the other sleeps with them. A match made in heaven, eh?

The Rangers have officially signed every player in the NHL…and still won’t make the playoffs. It has to come to a point where they don’t trade anymore…they just give teams going bankrupt a lot of money for their best player. The only way to stop this madness is to stop going to their games Ranger fans. I mean I hate the Rangers, but it’s such a shame to see such a good guy like Lindros do bad. Wait a second, what am I talking about? DIE LINDROS DIE!

Football free agency has started and I am so psyched. It is the time of the year when one of the teams in the Super Bowl have to cut their whole team, where one crappy ass team will sign one good player and then be predicted to win the Super Bowl, where the Buccaneers seem to have no salary cap ever. So far, the Redskins have been the most active…again. The last time they did this, Norv Turner forgot that Bruce Smith was a sack machine with the Bills, not the Redskins. And that Jeff George will usually not do well. It will be weird to see Emmit Smith in another uniform…especially since he is old enough to die. Even though the ‘Boys line and quarterback sucked, Smith could really help 2 teams…The Bengals and Cardinals, and that is not really a great feat.

Spring Training has also begun and now it is time for all the countries in the world to put their best players in the MLB and hope they do well, so they can get some attention from some fat ass baseball fan who normally would know nothing about Madagascar. Needless to say, France and Italy haven’t faired to well. It was nice to hear Godzilla hit a bomb in his first plate appearance, but Contreras got shelled in his first start. Japan 1 Cuba 0. Don’t get too cocky though Japan…from what my sources tell me, Castro has a few tricks up his sleeve. All I can say is don’t eat the sushi.
The article is done…THANK YOU AGAIN EWING!

Top 10 Reasons why March Madness is so "Maddening"
10) We will finally find out where the heck Creighton is
9) Manhattan College will actually get a shot at playing some, um, GOOD TEAMS!
8) It is the only sport where New York kids actually get a shot to see kids who destroyed them in CYO again.
7) Another chance for Dick Vitale to say this is the greatest game ever (just in case he forgot a few)
6) To listen to one analyst say they told you so about Gonzaga.
5) I just loooooove listening to the freakin Jimmy V story.
4) Maybe Duke will finally win one! (wait, did I say Duke, I meant anyone BUT Duke)
3) Hoping Dick Vitale will get some sort of heart attack (admit it, how funny would that be, “It’s a heart attack baby with a capital H!)
2) Every team still thinks they have a chance to get the best junior high school player in the league.
1) New Orleans will finally have a chance to become a party city…because they never have that thing called Mardi Gras.

Go talk some jets